Guam is a land filled with raptors posing as geese and cruel goats.

I went to a birthday party with a family and they have a ranch.  The ranch consisted of a bamboo forest, a river, and the most terrifying looking geese I have ever seen in my life.  I am positive that they are raptors in disguise.  I was fed a lot of food and it was delicious but by the time I finished eating everything that people were giving me, ALL of the chocolate cake was gone.

I was told it was for the best since I have celiac's disease and eating gluten makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.  I managed to salvage some frosting pudding from the cover of the container that held what I can only assume was a delicious and moist homemade chocolate cake that would have made me want to cut in front of the small children that were currently enjoying the cake.  Also, I think the children there just thought I was weird.

On almost every occasion in which I am introduced to someone, I find out they have family in Minnesota, North Dakota or recognize my last name because of a certain Catholic private college in Wisconsin.  Of all the places in the world, Guam apparently has a large population of islanders that enjoy moving to the Midwest.  I am not sure why, but one can only assume it is NOT because they want to escape the ocean.  But on an ocean note, only about 30% of islanders know how to swim here.  It is very strange, but I think it might be due to the fact that you can walk out all the way to the reef without every having to actually swim...This includes me, even though I am short and can drown in a kiddie pool.  Lucky for me, I am an excellent swimmer and probably more graceful in water than on land.

In a sad and very tragic turn of events, a Korean tourist was killed by a shark attack and his body washed up onto the shore and was found by local fisherman.  Shark attacks in Guam are virtually unheard of and it was very sad as he was considered missing before his body was found.

I am currently working on a way to stay in Guam for a few months longer.. I am just not ready to come back home yet and I actually rather like it here.  I have adjusted to the heat, something I never thought would be possible and I have made two very excellent friends that I know I will miss very much when I have to leave...

I am currently working on getting funding so that I can travel to China and Hong Kong during June/July and I would return home sometime before fall semester.  It is almost certain that I will come back for spring semester of 2014, granted that Baby Levi is in excellent health.  Baby Levi will turn 11 years old in August and we will be celebrating 8 years together.  I know that if he were here, I wouldn't go home, I would want to stay here forever, but he isn't here.  A few friends have asked me if I will come back for good.  Maybe someday, but that day will not be until after Baby Levi has passed and I am ready to move on.  I have only ever dedicated myself to two things in this world: school and Levi and I will not take an opportunity unless Levi is there with me.

They are just waiting to destroy humanity.

GOATS! SO MANY GOATS!!!

I felt so much joy as I saw all the goats wandering freely about with adorable bells around their necks. SO. MUCH. JOY.

And it was DESTROYED.  All of my dreams of petting and loving a Guam goat was crushed by the cruel nature that is a Guam goat.  I can't even talk about it.

On the plus side:  PUPPIES!

Talofofo River and ancient Chamorro villages

On Sunday I went on a riverboat cruise on Talofofo River.  It was fun, but you went about 100 feet in either direction and then turned around because the river is blocked..so neat!  I am not in a biology class, I was a note taker/tutor for a student in a marine biology class but the student dropped and that made me sad.  The professor liked me and told me I could just come to class if I felt like it and all of the labs...so I just kind of show up for things and he lets me come with.  I was on standby because there were too many students signed up for the tour, but the professor just told me to get on the boat so I did.  

I learned that the river has walking catfish, which pretty much sounds like every nightmare I have ever had, there are crabs that have been conditioned to come out of their sand holes when you throw bread at them because they are lazy sand crab bastards that rely on the kindness of Japanese tourists to throw enriched white bread at them.  Also there are chickens.  Lots and lots of chickens that look remarkably like mini raptors that I am positive could potentially rip out your intestines if you made them angry enough.

I also learned that the hibiscus flowers fall off of their stems in the afternoons because of the heat and that you can eat them..maybe. It might have been a different flower.. I wasn't really paying attention all that much.

This is sand that has something in that makes it magnetized.. I couldn't remember what its called.  You can google it if you want.

Trucks and stuff, cause nothing sreams "NATURE!" like random trucks and machinery sitting near the riverbanks.

This is the visitors center situated on what was once an ancient Chamorro village on the banks of the Talofofo River.

The thatched roof, raised home is not a remainder of the ancient Chamorros, they built that using not so ancient methods, but this is what a high caste member of a Chamorro tribe would live in.  The homes were built and raised up on what is called a latte stone.  The higher your home, the higher your position.

Ancient latte stones, apparently one time a cow came over and wandered into the campsite and started rubbing up against a latte stone and tipped it over.  As a visitor you are not allowed to itch yourself on the latte stones or touch them.  They were built somewhere between 1100-1700 AD.

Just some photos of the cruise.  It was a fantastic day to be on a boat.  The sun was shining and there was a cool breeze.  It was close to 90, but I still could have worn a sweater and been fine*

Darryl and I before we had to walk up some stairs.  We HATE walking up, and just walking in general.

This is a rock or something like that.  The picture is pretty anticlimactic compared to seeing it in real life. Sorry losers.

Standing in the cave, again very unimpressive in the photo, but sort of neat to see in real life.

This guy made fire with two sticks in about 30 seconds.  It was actually like 10 seconds.  I only had enough time to get a picture of the flame because it happened so quickly.

Some rocks.. I don't know.

After the riverboat cruise, we had a BBQ.  There was food and it was delicious and I didn't take any pictures so you can come up with images in your mind about how you think a BBQ at a house over looking the Talofofo River and the Pacific ocean might look.  One word. NO SNOW.. ok that was too, but there was no snow and it was hot outside and I had to wear sunglasses and stuff.  I bet all the snow in North Dakota is awesome**

*If its not 90 degrees, its cold here.

**By awesome, I actually meant intolerable.

Have fun shoveling your driveways losers!  I'm never coming back.

North Korea is ruining my stay here.

When I decided to move to Guam to attend the University on exchange, I never considered the possibility that North Korea would ramp on their insane rhetoric of constant threats and actually put my safety and life in danger.

All the times, making fun of North Korea, watching Team America: World Police and laughing at the expense of the Supreme Majesty Grand Leader, His Royal Highness who according to the Onion News consistently wins the North Korean lottery and is a fantastic golfer..ok that was Kim Jong Ill....whatever.  

This is a distressing period of my life, while everything else is moving forward and people continue about daily routines, we are warned to have emergency kits prepared and available and to be ready for when the war comes to our coast.

Children in schools are practicing emergency drills.  Residents are buying food and water supplies.  We had to meet with our representative from Homeland Security so that the students in the dorms were aware of the emergency action plan that has been put into place.

It always seems so lighthearted, these talks of wars and bombs.  When you live in the Midwest it seems life a faraway story that will never reach you or affect you.  Maybe you worry about the citizens of the countries that have been threatened, maybe you don't and maybe when it comes down to it, you are just to selfish to give a damn.  In the event of an attack, we have no where to go.  We can not leave the island and seek shelter elsewhere, we will be stuck here.  Hoping that North Korea will not follow through with their words, that the actions of a child dictator are simply that, the actions of a child.  My life and the life of the people I care about in my new home are truly affected by these recent rumblings.  We are reassured daily that North Korea doesn't have the capabilities, doesn't have the technology...and then we are told they do, but its not reliable, SO NO BIG DEAL FOLKS!  Carry on with your business, nothing to see here.

There is something to see and its terrifying and scary and it fills me with constant dread.  I worry hourly that the news will hit that the weapons are in place, that I will hear the emergency alarms and that within moments, I will be hopeful that I will not die.  Sometimes I feel like I am overreacting to the news, feeding into the fear mongering that is the news and her allies, the sell of the sensational.  How do you not give into the fear and the worry?  How do you go on with your day, regular and mundane activities, and not fret over the words of war?  How do you?  

Maybe if people read this, they will think.. oh Janessa, you are just being you.. a drama queen and blowing a situation way out of proportion.  Maybe.. I don't know.  I tried to make light of the situation until yesterday when I received the email saying we had to meet with Homeland Security and then it hit.. what if this actually happens? What if.. that is the question that everyone is asking and we don't have an answer.

Fujita, like fajita, only when pronounced incorrectly.

Went to Fujita beach today after eating some delicious Jamaican Grill lunch.  Mailie brought along Monkey.  I did not play with Monkey. 

Spending the day at the beach is obviously a better alternative than doing homework.  Uploading and writing about my day is always a much more productive use of my time.  My water proof camera has proven itself to be a most excellent investment and I can now finally take an inane amount of photos and not have to worry about dropping my iPhone in the ocean or a toilet.

Mailie and I floating around with Monkey.

We stopped at a little convenience store that caters to tourist and I found these sunglasses, because I am an adult, I was unable to say no to them because they are adorable and every adult women who is functioning at a full adult level deserves to have adorable sunglasses that have a bow and kitty whiskers.

Said adult then deserves to wear  them while taking photos in and under the water during the afternoon.

Getting salt water up your nose is an unpleasant feeling, but not quite as unpleasant as using a netty pot.

Trying to time photos when you can not open your eyes under water is difficult.

I kept stepping on sea cucumbers.  According to Paolo, this made me a murderer.  It is practically impossible to NOT step on sea cucumbers in the ocean here.  Everywhere you go there are sea cucumbers with a death wish.

A failed attempt to take a photo of ourselves from under the water.

Sibyl learning to paddle board.

Another failed attempt at a photo from underwater.

Paolo pretending to deep sea dive, he doesn't know how to swim...but he does, so I don't know why he says he can't?

Kat paddle boarding, she was not planning on getting wet.  This plan failed.

Paolo is not capable of making a normal face and that is ok, because I do the same thing.

Apparently I am a monster.

This is Fujita beach.

This is me paddle boarding in the ocean.

More paddle boarding action. Yay!

I was able to stand, kneel, and then lie down on the paddle board without falling down.  I was quite pleased with myself.  You should all be proud of me.

More kneeling on the paddle board, kneeling is so much fun!

Once again, Paolo making faces at the camera.

It took skill to pose for this photo.  Paolo finally smiled.

This is a sea cucumber, not a sea turd.

A majestic parting of the clouds.  I would have expected the sky to start raining puppies and glitter. 

The great seaweed war on the shores of Fujita beach, 2013.

Pretty Ladies on a pretty day.

One should be advised that the beautiful structure behind us and in other photos is not a home, it is a church where Japanese tourists come to have "American" weddings.  And by "American" I mean, grossly extravagant with multiple costume changes by the bride and grooms wearing splendid white tuxedos.  Japanese people like "American" weddings.

Next on our list of things to do: Eat at Sharky's, because all we do on this island is eat and I just keep getting fatter.  Seriously island of Guam, STOP FEEDING ME.  Your food is like an explosion of delicious in my mouth and it is in no way an explosion of healthy!

Sharky's has the cutest paper towels of all time.  The other thing it said was "I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy."  It was adorable.

Jarrett blamed his actions on his hunger.

A Mexican always hungers.

Always.