.finally freeing the birds.: I am 29 going on 16.

I have about 12 hours left of being 28. This will be my first birthday away from my family and all of my close friends, instead I am spending it in Guam with new friends that are absolutely amazing and like to tell me that I don't look a day over 21. This makes me feel good about myself.

Things that make me feel bad about myself:
Being 28 and turning 29.

Sometimes I wonder why I made so many bad decisions before making good ones? Why did I, in the words of my amazing father, take so long to be a fully functioning adult? I don't know dad, I just don't know. I don't know that I will ever be an "adult", someday I will pay my own bills and next year I might actually be a college graduate who is going to grad school. All I know is that I am stuck somewhere in between being an adult and desperately refusing to give up any child like attachments to my parents. I love my parents beyond words and they are the most incredible people I have ever met. My birthday has always meant so much to me because it goes far past just an excuse to celebrate and shower me with praise. Being adopted has always left me with so many questions about who I am and where I come from, it left me doubtful about my ability to be loved and to love others in return, it made me question my worth as a person and question the justifications for my biological family to give me away. My birthday isn't just about me and the day I was given away, its about the day that a family knew that I was coming home to them and that they would love me unconditionally through every mistake.

I have never been so far away from home for so long and even though I don't feel like I miss my mom and dad, I miss not being able to go home when I want to or when I need to see them. I appreciate my parents more than my own life and I even though I tell them I love them, I don't know if they realize how much I appreciate them, how much I need them in my life. So even though it is my birthday and everyone should be handing me gifts and giving me puppies with bottles of vodka attached to their bows, I have to give my parents props for being so awesome.

My dad has a better sense of humor than I do. He also has a better work ethic than I do.
My mom is beautiful and will always look like an angel to me (according to most women who see pictures of my dad, he is handsome).

So, now that I have actually shown emotion, or at least written about the fact that I do have emotions buried deep down inside of my base level of rudeness, onward to things that I have done in the last week or so.

Last Saturday we went to Gab Gab beach and it was AMAZING. Once on a day cruise, I saw a humpback whale surface with her calf and I just knew then that God existed. I got goosebumps when I think about the ocean because I love it so much. Anyone who knows me well knows that goats are my animal kryptonite, manatees take my breath away, Baby Levi is the love of my life and sea turtles absolutely turn me into a giddy pile of adorable mush. I saw a sea turtle in the sea. I swam by him while snorkeling. I swam under water in the ocean BY A SEA TURTLE. If you can't fathom how awesome that is, then you obviously have no love in your heart. I also saw lots and lots of tropical fish. It was neat. On Sunday, Nicole and I went on a boonie stomp to Talofofo pool.
The hike down the mountain was fun.
The hike back up made me want to vomit and yell at people. I did neither of those things.

I was trying to get an appropriate photo of how curly my hair has become while here.. This is all I could get.

Darryl, Alex, Nicole and I went to Under Water World in Tumon, and then walked around some of the shops. I went into Marc Jacobs and held a Stam bag. It was heaven. If I was a fast runner, I would have stolen it.