Yesterday was Thanksgiving and according to the Calorie Control Council (which is a thing that exists in this world) the typical Thanksgiving dinner has 4,500 calories and 229 grams of fat. This includes any of the snacks during the day and a turkey with all the fixings. Since I have celiacs, I am (un)lucky that I HAVE to stay away from the breads and the baked goodies and stuffing. That doesn't mean I don't sneak a few treats when no one who is willing to take it away from me isn't looking. I calculated my holiday meal like the diet nerd that I am and my meal came in at 582 calories and 20.5 grams of fat. Based on the "diet" I follow, I eat up to 1,570 calories a day and take in no more than 52 grams of fat. I would say that my meal was a success, I had everything I wanted and ended up full at the end of the meal. I would say that is what a good meal is all about, being full and satisfied.
I don't like to use the term diet because I am not really on a diet. I eat what I want in moderation or at least try to. My calorie intake is based off of my basal metabolic rate and my average level of activity each day. I don't like the idea of saying I CAN'T just because it is food. I also have the problem of having difficulty saying no or I can't because I don't think people have to deny themselves any sort of comfort just because society tells me I shouldn't eat so that I am not fat. For some reason, since I was a little kid, I always questioned the rules of society. I always had to know the meanings behind what drives people and society to choose one thing over another and what creates mass consumerism. Maybe this desire to always question and always be objective has driven me to truly hate the way women diet in America. I also know this aggression led me down a path that involved eating disorders and over exercising because I eventually caved to the pressures that society had on me. I have never fully recovered and I harbor a lot of self-loathing and shame over my body because I will never be what I see in media.
Basically, everything is wrong with you and during the holidays, women are told that more and more. I don't have cable television but over the holidays last year I spent a couple of weeks at home as I was preparing to travel to the South Pacific for several months. I watched a LOT of television and the majority of commercials I saw were all for weight loss companies touting their holiday sales and letting women know that THEY knew that women have absolutely zero self-control over the holidays and WILL BE FAT by the New Year. The commercials were so numerous that I actually called a friend of mine to tell her about it because I was so disgusted by the messages they were sending. She had also seen them and was perturbed by the hidden messages that, far too often, women buy into. This self-loathing and self-hate over the holidays doesn't cure the problem, it only makes it worse. I firmly believe that before I can lose the weight I have gained over the last few years I have to learn to love myself for who I am today so that I love myself for who I become. At some point we have to make the decision to be healthy and happy for US and not because of what we see in society. We can't believe that losing weight will make us love ourselves or magically cure the shame and loathing we have felt prior.
On a lighter note, here are a few things that I am grateful for:
Waking up every morning to this little man.
My family, Levi Wigglesworth, and reuniting with my sister.
My tiny but cozy home that is filled with love, barking, family, and friends.
